"Describe an interpersonal conflict in detail, articulate it in the form of a question that might be answered in the form of a possible solution by members of your blogging group."
Below is a summarised version of a true account which happened in my junior college class. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the people involved.
There was a clique of 7 girls in my class. During a free period in class, Alice wanted to complete her tutorial but her good friend, Betty, wanted to chat with her instead. Betty thought that Alice could finish the tutorial at home since school was ending early that day. Despite several attempts to do the tutorial, Alice was often disturbed by Betty who asked her to stop doing her work.
Alice told Betty a few times that she was not interested in chatting but Betty did not take Alice seriously and continued to disturb her. In the end, when the period ended, the tutorial was uncompleted.
The next morning, Betty told Alice that she had finished the tutorial at home. Alice was unhappy because she only managed to finish a few questions despite spending the whole day at home solving the tutorial. Alice felt that if Betty did not disturb her the previous day, she could have done more. But Betty found the tutorial easy and thought that it could be completed within a short time.
Alice did not raise her unhappiness to Betty. Instead, she gossiped about Betty to other friends in the clique and under her unfluence, Betty was obstracised by the clique, not knowing the reason behind. Betty made many attempts to communicate with the clique but failed. Her friends treated her as a transparent person. She was sad for a period of time because she did not know why she was treated that way. Finally, Betty left the clique one day.
If you were Alice, how would you react to Betty's request to chat with you when you needed time to complete the tutorial? When you were unhappy that Betty completed the tutorial at home, what would you do?
If you were Betty, how would you communicate with your clique which kept ignoring you? How would you feel if your good friends suddenly obstracised you without telling you the reason and how would you manage your emotions?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
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4 comments:
Maybe Alice could have been more firm in her decision through an action rather through words of objections; she could have left the classroom and told Betty that she really needed to get her work done and as such she was going to the library, adding that she would talk to Betty the next day or once her work was finished.
Alice also should not have spread rumors. She should have just spoken directly to Betty about it the next day about why she felt unhappy and possible compromises that could be reached should the situation arose again. For instance, since Betty found the assignment rather easy, during their free time, Betty could help Alice out with anything she is unsure of, thereby allowing Alice to complete her work quicker, enabling more free time for chatting.
As her clique is not repsonding to her (Betty), she should talk to Alice about it and how it was not right of her to spread rumors about her. Betty could also try talking to her clique during lunch, when it is harder for everyone to just up and leave, allowing her to say the necessary things.
>Dom
As to the last part of your comment, I guess Betty couldn't know that the her action to Alice was the origin of the rumor nor Alice made a rumor.
Even if so,talking to her clique during lunch is good way. Also,she could make contact with frieds who are not in her clique about the core of the rumor. Considering that they are still secondary school students, crying to her qlique for the reason of ignoring her in a still place might be one solution as well because tears of woman can be breakthrough even if it is acting. But I'm not sure it is the case between women?
Hi Teresa,
I try to give my honest comments for both Alice and Betty.
If I were Alice, I would tell Betty seriously that I would need to do my tutorial in class. Most people will be sensible enough to acknowledge the need for silence.
If I were Betty, I would try to ask my closest friend in the clique for advice. I believe with sincerity, my clique will eventually honestly tell me my mistake. True friendship will definitely last through ups and downs. Be positive and upbeat. That is my principle in life.
If you were Alice, how would you react to Betty's request to chat with you when you needed time to complete the tutorial?
Hmm… actually I would have felt very frustrated with Betty. However, I think a better way for Alice to react would be to decline nicely, pointing out that Betty is a lot smarter than her and thus Alice would need a lot more time to complete the tutorial. She could also, as Dominique has written, find another place to do her work.
One last alternative would be to put aside this tutorial and chat with Betty first, making mental note that next time she should not stay in class during free periods (for example, go to the library).
When you were unhappy that Betty completed the tutorial at home, what would you do?
I would calm myself down and attempt to put my unhappiness aside. After all, I think Betty does not understand my difficulties. Then I would tell Betty, with care not to sound like I blame her, about how I was unable to complete the tutorial and how it was so difficult for me. I may also ask Betty if she could discuss the tutorials with me next time. Hopefully, next time, instead of chatting, she would take time to help me with my work.
If you were Betty, how would you communicate with your clique which kept ignoring you?
Like Victor, I would try to ask my closest friend in the group what went wrong. I might also talk to other people to see if they know what caused the clique to be so hostile. If I managed to find out the reason, I would approach Alice to apologise for not being understanding towards her and offer to help her with her tutorials next time.
How would you feel if your good friends suddenly ostracised you without telling you the reason and how would you manage your emotions?
I would feel very hurt. I think it is easy for me to wallow in self-pity. However, I think I should practise optimism – to realise that I can decide how I want to react to their hostility. After which, I would try to reconcile with them, as well as, build other friendships.
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